Baby J's Day of Birth

On Saturday,  April 7 we moved out of Mom and Dad’s house and into our first home!  It was such an exciting day.  That evening after all the boxes and all the things were moved into the house, I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I fed Vivian dinner in our new kitchen.  After a chaotic day moving, it was just the three of us and I was emotional because I was so happy.  The pregnancy hormones might have been a contributing factor to my weepiness.  

Over the next few days we tried to unpack boxes and get somewhat settled before baby brother arrived. On Wednesday, April 11 Vivian and I ran some errands to Target and TJ Maxx to pick up a few things we needed at the house.  We grabbed some McDonalds for lunch and went to Mom’s office to eat with her.  As I sat and ate my lunch I noticed some contractions starting every now and then.  They weren’t too intense, but they were definitely more noticeable than any Braxton Hick’s contractions I’d had before.  

A week prior, at my normal checkup, Dr. Lister’s NP Pegah had stripped my membranes since I was technically full term and my blood pressure was sometimes a little high when I went for my appointment.  She said sometimes it puts people into labor, and sometimes it doesn’t.  It hurt so very much.  After she finished and I sat up, I got lightheaded and nauseous and embarrassingly needed a snack to make it pass. Even after being tormented this way, it didn’t put me into labor.  So when I started to contract that day at Mom’s office, I was surprised.  

We went home and had a routine day, but that night I was awoken by my contractions getting stronger and much more painful.  I wasn’t able to get any sleep because they came on about every 10 minutes and were super uncomfortable.  Derek was woken up too, probably because I was whining at the pain.  As I continued to time the contractions, they got more frequent in the early hours of the morning on Thursday, April 12.  By 7 am they were every 5 minutes and I thought for sure I was going to pop the baby out any minute.  We got up, showered and packed a bag quickly, and headed to the hospital. 

Dad was supposed to catch a flight out of town for work that day, but he cancelled his trip and him and mom met us at the hospital to take Vivian.  We checked in and were led to a triage room while they assessed me.  Much to my dismay, I was only dilated to a 1 so it was too early to get me ready to deliver. I was horrified because I was already in so much pain and had no idea how I’d go home and take care of an almost three-year-old all day while contracting.  They let us stay and walk the hall for an hour to see if that would help move things along.  It didn’t. 

Dad came to pick me up and Derek headed to work.  I went to Mom and Dad’s and tried to get through every contraction without crying. It was at this point that I realized how low my pain threshold was and how big of a baby I am.  I tried taking a bath, and walking around the kitchen to get my mind off of the pain.  Dad picked up some lunch for us and then we headed out to our house since the Xfinity guy was coming to set up our cable for us.  

When we got home I laid Viv down for her nap, and quickly went to lie in bed while writhing in pain. Thankfully Dad dealt with the cable guy and our next door neighbor Bob, who saw we had company and came over to chat. I timed my contractions and wanted to die every time another one started.  They got worse and worse and the two hours I laid there felt like 57. I don’t even know how to describe what contractions feel like because there aren’t any words that will do it justice. It was like menstrual cramps times 100, that then radiate pain all over your body.  During an especially painful contraction, I suddenly felt a pop inside by belly somewhere, and it was so strange.  I sat up and quickly realized that my water had just broken.  For about one second I felt relieved because that meant we could go back to the hospital, but relief was quickly followed by the horrifying realization that my contractions were now 100 times worse than before.  

It was around 3:00, and I called out for Dad to tell him that we needed to go, but with no answer. I tried calling his cell phone since I thought he was probably outside, but he didn’t answer that either.  I was about to crawl on my hands and knees to the door when he finally came inside, saying that the cable guy heard me shouting and came out to get him.  He had been chatting with Bob.  We quickly went into action and got Viv up and headed towards McKay Dee.  

Dad called Derek on the way and told him that my water broke and we were on our way up to the hospital. That car ride was the worst 15 minutes ever, because I felt like my insides had turned into 1000 knives that were slowly ripping their way through every inch of my body.  I was sweating and crying and nauseous, cursing every car that was going anywhere near the speed limit.  I wished for a police escort to go ahead of us and get us there going 80 mph.  Dad did his best to swerve and speed and get us there as quickly as possible. As we pulled up to the hospital entrance we were greeted by Derek with a wheelchair, where I managed to plop myself into the seat and command Derek to run to the elevator.  

The next hour or so was somewhat of a blur—a nightmarish blur where I wanted to hurt every person that wasn’t an anesthesiologist offering my epidural. It was about 4:00 now and we seemed to get checked in extremely slowly, answering every demographic question for insurance purposes, and changing out of my disgusting soaked clothes into a hospital gown.  The nurse took my vitals and got me hooked up to a monitor, then checked me, proclaiming that I was dilated to a 3 even though I was sure I was at a 12 by then. All the while, the nurse kept saying Dr. Patel would be coming soon to give me the epidural.  He didn’t come soon. I suffered and cursed Derek out loud for getting me pregnant, yelling at the nurses and sobbing every time another contraction came on. Derek held my hand and tried to help me breathe through the pain, encouraging me while I’m sure he was actually horrified of the monster I had become.  I continued to beg for the anesthesiologist, while being assured that he was on his way and he’d be there any minute. He actually took FOREVER and then finally shuffled in the room like he was out for a Sunday stroll. He then asked the impossible of me, to sit up and bend forward, curving my back so that he could jam that ginormous needle into me.  This is no easy task when I had a huge belly to bend over and I was on the verge of passing out from pain.  He yelled at me over and over again to bend forward.  “More! More! You have to scoot your butt back to the edge of the bed and bend forward! More!” I’m sure I yelled back at him that I was trying, but I didn’t even care what was happening as long as I was numb SOON.  Derek said it was not a pretty sight, as Dr. Patel shakily jammed the tools into my spine. All I know is that a few minutes later, I started to feel some relief as I pushed that magic button that administered the medication as many times and I could get my swollen finger to move.    

After that, labor actually became a dream.  I apologized to Derek and all of the medical staff who I had verbally assaulted in the hour prior.  For the first time in a day I wasn’t in pain, wasn’t feeling the ever intensifying contractions, and actually felt sleepy.  The nurse checked me again and I was at a 4.  From that point on it was sweet sweet relaxation while my body progressed pretty quickly, each hour dilating another centimeter. I was sooo happy and relieved to hear how quickly things were moving, and the nurse told us that we’d probably have a baby in our arms around 10:00 pm. 

Dr. Lister wasn’t on call, but her colleague Dr. Mencer was on that night and would be delivering our babe. The nurse checked on us every hour, and was a super nice and enjoyable young woman, who I’m sure was offended by my demeanor when we first arrived.  I asked her many times to forgive me for by embarrassing behavior.  Around 10:20 pm, she told us that I was at a 10 and would be able to start pushing! She left the room to call the doctor in and I suddenly got extremely nervous, realizing I was about to push a baby out of my vagina.  I asked Derek if we could say a quick prayer, but he sweetly suggested he give me a blessing instead.  It was perfect.  He asked that I would feel calm and confident that I could get through it, and that I’d be given the strength to do so.  It put me at ease and I suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline like I could freakin climb mount Everest if I needed to.  I’m so thankful that Derek has the spiritual intuition to know that a blessing would be just what I needed, and that he is able to comfort me in that way especially in times of need.  

A team of people started entering the room, bringing tools and machines to assist in the delivery and minutes after, and it was exciting and thrilling as everyone got ready.  Dr. Mencer was a jovial southern woman with a very cheery attitude.  She explained that when a contraction started I would push as hard as I could while she counted to 10.  Derek had prepped me before, saying pushing would need to feel like bearing down when going to the bathroom.  I’m mortified by the thought of doing that in front of anyone, but I was ready to go.  

Then I pushed.  I worked so hard and tried my best to push push push all of those 10 second increments and then push push push again and again. It was such a crazy and amazing experience, as Derek held my hand and I kept pushing with all my might.  Suddenly, the baby’s heart rate started to drop a little, and the doctor realized that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, and I needed to push the baby out right away.  She also decided that using the vacuum extractor would be helpful.  I got a new rush of urgency and decided I would push so hard that the baby would pop out immediately. It was quite frightening for a minute, especially when I could read the look on Derek’s face that he was nervous too.  But then, after a few more pushes, the little guy was out. I only pushed for 10 minutes total.  

We heard his sweet little cry and saw his perfect face for the first time and Derek cut the umbilical cord.  They wiped him off just a bit and placed him on my chest, and we were in heaven. There is nothing like those first moments when this tiny human who was just in heaven is suddenly with you here on earth and is yours to keep forever.  Derek was by my side and I had successfully delivered a perfect baby boy even though I was sure I’d die before I got the epidural. The feelings of gratitude and happiness rushed over me and I wished for the moment to last forever.  All of the pain was so worth it.  Even though I was very sure I’d never be able to go through it ever again.  

Jasper Timothy was born Thursday, April 12 2018 at 10:38 pm.  He weighed 8 lb. 4 oz., and measured 21.5 inches long.  He has been nothing but perfect and has brought us so much happiness every moment since.  The hours and days following were perfect as Viv met her baby brother and our family and friends came to visit us. We feel so lucky to have this angel boy in our family. 

A Year in a Nutshell

I had a goal to write at least one post per month- instead it's more like once a year.  I can't believe it has literally been a year since I last wrote down what's been happening in our lives.  It was a busy year!

Our last summer in Connecticut was bittersweet.  We spent lots of time with friends, having a BBQ every Thursday night by the pool.  We loved to sit around the fire and chat, and the kids loved running around the tennis court.  We spent time at the pool, ate ice cream at Wentworth's at least once a week, and enjoyed the beautiful canal road for many walks.  We went to a fireworks show on the beach and explored Westerly, RI.  We tried to make the most of our last few months on the East Coast and I think some of my very favorite memories were made during those months.  We were so excited to move home, but sad to see such a special time of our lives come to an end.  The time away is invaluable to me.  All of Vivian's firsts happened in our cute apartment there, and our simple living made Derek and I grow closer.  Even though there were many hard and lonely days, I'm so thankful we got to live there for 27 months.

Derek graduated.  Dad, Sue, Ash, and Kyle all came to CT to celebrate with us.  Mom coudn't come because she was finishing her chemo and radiation treatments.  We'll always be sad she couldn't be there.  We took them to our favorite spots-- Pepe's Pizza in New Haven, J. Timothy's, and Wentworth's (duh) for ice cream.  It was so fun to show them a little of where we lived and especially great to have family there to celebrate Derek and all of his accomplishments in PA school.  We also spent a day in NYC- we visited Ground Zero, took a ferry ride around the Statue of Liberty, got lost on the subway, went to the top of the Empire State Building, ate Levain Bakery cookies in Central Park, and went to a Yankees game. Viv was the best little traveler and as always, was so easy to have around.  She fell asleep in her stroller when she was tired, and was happy as a clam seeing all the sights of the Big Apple.  Our last weekend on the East coast was definitley busy and full of adventures and memory making.

Viv and I flew home to Utah with Dad, Ashley, and Kyle, and Sue and Derek made the trek across the country in the car.  We had all of our things shipped, including Derek's car, and that was quite the debacle.  We chose a less than stellar moving company who charged us more than double what they quoted us, and were basically just sketchy all around.  We wondered if our things would even arrive in Utah.  They did, but we learned that driving our belongings in a truck would have been the best way to go, even if it did take twice as long to make the trip.  

A few days after Derek made it to Utah, mom and I planned a surprise graduation/birthday party for him at the pool by Mom and Dad's house.  All of our friends and family came and it was the perfect night to celebrate Derek in every way.  Mom made tons of yummy food of course, and we had a fun cake made to look like a scrub top with medical supplies all around it.  To make the day even better, just before we left for the party I took a test and found out we were PREGNANT again! It was the best surprise- I thought for sure it would take a long time to get pregnant again like it did with Viv.  We had only been trying for about 3 months so it was a pleasant surprise.

We packed in some family trips before Derek started his job at Calton Harrison in October.  We traveled to the Oregon coast for the Smith family reunion.  It was Vivian's first time camping and she loved every second of it.  We drove in Sue's motor home and camped in yurts, which made the trip quite enjoyable with a toddler.  If we were in tents I might have felt differently.  But as usual, she was a great traveler and was perfectly content exploring around the camp site, picking up rocks, playing with her cousins, and getting covered in sand at the beach.  About a month after our Oregon trip we headed to Disneyland with all of Derek's family.  It was magical! I hadn't been since I was 15 and Derek hadn't been since he was 10.  Vivian was a little young to really appreciate all of the Disney magic, but she was definitely star struck when we got to meet princess Sophia from her favorite show, Sophia the First.  Being pregnant, I wasn't able to ride anything but the kiddie rides, but Vivian was too short for most of the regular rides so we got to spend lots of time together all the small rides.  She is easy to please and loved the theatrics and music everywhere.  We had long days at the park and we were all worn out by the end of the trip, but the memories were so worth it.  

In the fall Derek started his job and had to work through the difficulties of being the new guy, especially in the job you prepare for for years.  Derek is a perfectionist and expects a lot from himself, which makes him the perfect candidate for any job.  However, he's super hard on himself.  He learned the details of orthopedics quickly even though he'd tell you otherwise.  He works hard and is so smart.  Patients love him, of course.  He doesn't know if its a job he'll stay at long term, but as we approach his year mark he'll reasess his long term goals.  There is one doc he works with that is a real piece of work and makes the days spent with him pretty miserable.  Besides that one terrible person, Derek really enjoys all of his other colleagues.  As I type this, Derek is lying on the couch beside me because he just got home from doing a cycling relay with three of the guys he works with from Moab to St. George.  

We found out baby #2 would be a boy- and we were thrilled and surprised.  This pregnancy was completely different than my first, in that it was completely normal.  I was nauseated for the first trimester, had heartburn, craved sweets, ached in places I didn't know possible, and actually had a pregnant belly.  Baby boy grew right on schedule and didn't give us any surprises.  Sometimes I had a hard time believing everything would go smoothly, and anticipated getting preeclampsia again.  I didn't.  I hoped for a vbac delivery and got it, along with all the regular labor experiences.  (That is a story for another post.) 

Miss Vivian just turned three.  (I'm not crying, you are.) Our spunky little girl seems so old, especially with a new baby around.  Viv continued speech therapy till she turned 3, and has many more words than she did a year ago.  She is able to understand and communicate so much better, and we are amazed at her progress.  Shes just as fiesty as she has always been, and shows us her strong willed and stubborn side often.  But we are thankful for it.  She got glasses and is the cutest thing in them.  She loves to do anything outside, play with cousins and friends, and still gets most excited to see her Daddy and Gramps.  She's my best pal and I love that I get to be with her all day every day.  She'll start preschool at Canyon View in the fall, where she'll get lots of help with speech and her develpment.  I'm not ready for her to start school but know it will be so great for her, and I'm sure she'll love every second of it.  She loves her baby dolls, ("bebe") books, french fries and Diet Coke. She loves her minky blankets ("akie").  She still loves music and dancing, and most Disney movies.  She'd be content outside in the yard every hour of the day, picking up sticks and greeting the neighbors through the fence with a friendly "he-wow". She loves to color and play with Play-Doh. She can maneuver her way around a play ground and also loves the play land at McDonalds and Chick-fil-a.  There's not a person we greet that doesn't comment about her long, beautiful, thick auburn hair.  And there's not a person we meet that she doesn't cheerfully greet with a sweet smile or wave.  She is the absolute best and we love her more and more every day.    

We started our house hunt in the fall and after months of searching in a terrible buyer's market, we happened upon our dream house in a place we least expected-- one block away from Derek's childhood home. Glenn and Mary Galer were in Derek's ward growing up and were the only owners of the home.  They spent over 30 years there.  They raised their family and were planning to retire and move to Colorado to be closer to their kids.  One day, we asked Sue to call Mary and ask what their plans were, since we knew they'd be putting their house on the market soon.  They invited us to come look at the house and offered to sell the house to us cheaper if we could avoid using real estate agents.  It was fate.  We loved the house and it felt so right the second we walked across the threshhold.  We quickly decided that we had found our home.  Mom was able to help us get the right legal documents we'd need to sign with the Galers and we awaited the day we could move in.  After a crazy couple of months of moving out of Sue's and into Mom and Dad's hosue, all while preparing for baby boy, we offically moved in on April 7, five days before baby boy was born. It was a whirlwind couple of months but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I love this home.  I feel so blessed to  have this home where we will raise our kids, and so blessed to have Derek that provides for our family and takes such good care of us.  I know he sacrifices a lot so that we can have this wonderful life and I am endlessly thankful for him.  It's been such a great year for our family and we know we have been SO blessed.

Derek Smith, PA

We got great news today!  Derek is getting a job offer from the Calton Harrison clinic!  He flew to Utah last month to interview there and for an Interventional Radiology job in Salt Lake.  He was super impressed and excited about this job prospect.  We've been crossing our fingers that he would get it.  Today his long time friend Austin Okelberry, who is a PA in the clinic, told him they'd be officially giving him the offer in the next few days!

I have to gush about how proud I am of Derek.  I got emotional for a minute last night because I just don't know how I got so lucky to have him.  He has worked SO hard during PA school to excel and do amazing so that he can get a great job like this. There have been so many HARD things he's been faced with during school and he always makes it through like a champ.  I'm so lucky to never have to worry that he will work hard and provide for our family. He got an offer from the IR job as well, but was really hoping to get this job. When he was talking to Austin on the phone he thanked him for helping him get things set up- but Austin said Derek totally did it all himself (of course I knew that already).  There were over 70 applicants and they interviewed people who had as much as 15 years of experience under their belt! I always knew Derek was a superstar but I love seeing other people see that in him also.  

We have been so blessed and I'm so thankful that we'll be back in Utah.  It's a little crazy that he will be back at McKay Dee Hospital, where he worked for 5 years before we moved to CT.  He knows the hospital, has many friends that work on the campus, and will be able to fall right back into a place where he feels comfortable and familiar.  Derek deserves every opportunity that he has been given because he never stops working towards his goals. We can't wait to be close to family again and back in beautiful Utah- our home!

Birthday Girl

Happy birthday sweet Viv! Today our little one is TWO.  I have actually been a little emotional today.  I feel like time moves so quickly, and while I am so happy that every day brings more learning and progression for her, of course I kind of just want her to be my baby forever.  But every day is definitely more fun than the last- she is like a little sponge right now and learning new things every day.

Her birthday celebrations started on Saturday night, we had some friends over for cake and ice cream.  Dallin, Nikole and Addy, Mariah and Nate, and Jaime and Vinny all came over to help us celebrate.  We sang to her and she loved that, then she actually ate some cake!  Last year we couldn't convince her to touch it so I was unsure if she'd be interested this year. She took some big bites and loved making a big old mess. We watched Moana and Mariah played with Addy and Viv and had them running around laughing a screaming and having so much fun.  We are so lucky to have such great friends here when we sure do miss our families for events like this.

Today we got up and ate pink pancakes for breakfast and opened some gifts.  Derek was scheduled to work nights this week but got sent home early last night, so he has actually been home today to celebrate with us! We love when he is home.  Viv had speech so we all went together then ate lunch at Chick-fil-a.  Viv eats so well there, she absolutely loves the chicken nuggets and especially the french fries.  We got her an ice cream cone but she wasn't into it.  I think she was full and getting tired and didn't want to be bothered.  She and Derek are both napping now and I get to write this post and think about our wonderful little toddler.

I heard this song by Sara Bareilles that was written for the broadway play called Waitress. It's called Everything Changes, and it's about being a mother.  I LOVE some of the lyrics because they describe how I feel so perfectly.

Today's a day like any other
But I am changed
I am a mother
Oh in an instant
And who I was has disappeared
It doesn't matter, now you're here
So innocent
I was lost for you to find
And now I'm yours and you are mine

Everything changes
My heart's at the wheel now
...Oh and it's true
What did I do to deserve you

The last line has been really how I feel lately.  I don't know how I got so lucky to have this perfect little human be mine, and ours, forever! It's so cliche to say that motherhood is the hardest yet most rewarding thing ever.  I never understood it till I had her, but it is 100% true.  I would literally do anything for her, to make her safe or happy.  And of course she makes me want to be better because I want to teach her to be a strong, smart, capable, kind, giving, loving person.

Vivian has amazed me these last two years.  Having such a tiny, fragile start makes me appreciate her growth even more.  She is already so amazing, but I'm sure that on her third birthday I will explain how much more she is next year.  Vivian, your momma loves you to the moon and back.

TWO (almost)

Clearly I'm not getting any better at journaling/bogging.  Thank heavens social media somewhat keeps track of our doings so that we have SOMETHING to look back on.

Vivian will be 2 in TWO weeks. (*crying*) The progress she has made in the past year is AMAZING.  She is such a little smarty pants.  Her little personality evolves and grows every day and it is the best thing to watch.  She is endlessly sweet, yet strong-willed, determined, and stubborn all at the same time.

SHE EATS! A day we thought would never come! She's still a little picky but will usually taste almost anything.  Then she'll decide if she wants more or not.  A typical Vivian menu consists of oatmeal, eggs, Spaghetti O's, mac and cheese, hot dogs, tomatoes, strawberries, blueberries, cheddar and sour cream Ruffles chips, goldfish crackers, and cheerios.  Considering that last year at this time she only ate 3 different kinds of baby purees, we are THRILLED that she eats as well as she does.  She still has to be watching a show while she eats to have some distraction, but as long as she gets the calories, we'll take it. She still takes a few bottles each day, one before bed and one at midnight to get her through the night.  She's still drinking Elecare junior formula and we add cornstarch in her midnight bottle. This makes it so we can go 7 hours overnight without feeding.  Hallelujah!! I never thought I'd see that day either- and this has SERIOUSLY helped with my sanity.

SHE SPEAKS! (a little.) For a very long time in speech therapy we worked on eating.  We only started working on actual speech about 6 months ago.  Viv is smart- she knows what's going on.  She understands what people say to her, and is slowly starting to verbalize herself.  These are the signs and words she knows:
More- signs and just says the "mmmm" sound
All done- signs and says "ah-duh ah-duh ah-duh" She does this often to try to be done eating :)
Bye bye- waves
Hi- says "hiii" in a low voice
Give me- signs and says "da da" She does this a lot when she wants some of our Diet Coke.
Go- literally started doing this TODAY. After saying ready, set, she responds with "doh!"

SHE WALKS! This might be the biggest accomplishment of them all.  Viv started crawling last September, when she was 16 months old.  She went from being basically immobile to crawling around everywhere and loving the independence.  We still worked on ordering a walker with her physical therapist since we really didn't think she'd walk for a long time.  She started cruising around the furniture and surprised us all when she took her first steps while we were home in Utah for Christmas. I think being around lots of cousins gave her the motivation to keep up with them.  And it was one of the best days ever!! It was definitely one of my proudest moments as a parent--to see her do something that I know was so hard and that took a lot of work to accomplish.  Since then she's just been walking (and almost running) everywhere.

She loves being chased, tickled, and wrestled.  Especially with Derek.  He is the tickling king around here.  He can get her laughing so much harder than I ever can.  She loves books--we often find her in her room thumbing through every book we own.  She still loves Sofia the First and Daniel Tiger. Her favorite movies right now are Moana, Trolls, and Sing. We usually watch any assortment of these shows while she's eating.  And I'm trying to be better about limiting it to that.  She loves to be outside. Even just to walk outside to the mailbox she can explore the tiniest things with enjoyment. She is just starting to learn how to crawl up on the furniture--and is quite mischevious about it when we try to keep her off of it so that she doesn't fall and break an arm.  Music is still one of her favorite things and she loves to wave her hands and dance.  She's starting to like pretend play and it's so sweet to watch her play with her baby doll.  She gives her a bottle and walks her in the baby stroller.  These days most of her favorite toys aren't actually toys- but water bottles, loose papers, my makeup brushes, or Derek's earplugs.  She mostly just loves getting into things she knows she shouldn't.

Viv's Hyperinsulinism is still very much a part of our lives, but I finally feel like I have a handle on it.  She still responds to Diazoxide which is a blessing.  She takes .8 ml/ twice a day.  Her blood sugar will still dip a little low from time to time but it can be controlled by food.  If we can get her to eat something or drink a bottle it goes back up. Thank heavens for Derek.  He gives me a lot of confidence with this condition that I never knew existed before this child.  He understands it more than me (obviously) and is always the source of calm when I'm acting like a literal crazy person. We had genetic testing done that came back inconclusive- so she doesn't have any gene mutations causing the disease.  We are heading to the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia in May for an admission, where they are basically the mecca for CHI.  Viv will have a fasting test done to see how long she can go without food before her blood sugar drops. We are looking forward to working with the doctors there to see if they want to change anything with her treatment.  Dr. Riba at CCMC has been nothing but amazing, but we are excited to take the opportunity to go to CHOP while we're here on the east coast.

Derek is applying for jobs!! He is in his last rotation right now in OB/GYN.  It's not his favorite but he does enjoy helping with the deliveries.  He has 4 more weeks and then he'll be back in the classroom over the summer.  The amount of pride and praise I have for him deserves its own blog post- which will come.  In a nutshell- he is AMAZING.

ONE

Miss Vivian is ONE! I can't believe it.  The past year has gone so fast, yet at times it felt like it was crawling! So much has happened and we feel like the luckiest parents in the world to have her sweet spirit bless our lives each day.  The past year has been the hardest so far, but also the most amazing.  I can't even describe how thankful I am to be Vivian's momma.  I love her more and more every day and I think one day my heart just might burst.

I wanted to write some things down so that we remember exactly how she was on this day, her first birthday.

• We are very involved with Birth to Three, physical, occupational, and speech therapy, endocrinology, and continue to check in regularly with a slew of other specialists.  The therapy has been amazing and so helpful.  Vivian doesn't always love it, but she's allowed to be feisty because it's what has gotten her this far.  
• She loves to be tickled and wrestle with Derek.  He can get some amazing belly laughs out of her and it is one of my favorite things to watch.  
• She's still primarily fed from a bottle but we are working hard on the solids.  We still feed her every 3.5 hours round the clock, although we are working on stretching it to 4-5 hours overnight.  Her glucose hasn't allowed us to do that consistently yet, but we're hoping for the best. 
• She likes green beans and sweet potatoes the most and is getting so much better at moving the food around in her mouth and working those little mouth muscles of hers.  
• When given graham crackers, baby puffs, or any textures other than purees she immediately gags and sometimes throws up.  Speech therapy will be helping us with her aversion to texture. 
• Vivian can sit up by herself, reach for toys all around her, assisted standing, roll from her belly to her back, and lay on her side with a little bit of help. 
• She still hasn't rolled from her back to her belly or started to crawl.  These are things we continually work on with physical therapy and I know one day she'll just surprise us and be moving around all over the place! 
• We still give her medication every 8 hours--the yucky Diazoxide.  We will be having some more genetic testing done next month in hopes of finding some more answers concerning her hyperinsulinemia which she has yet to grow out of.  
• We still check her glucose 2-3 times a day and it doesn't even phase her.  We can poke her while she's sleeping and she only stirs a little.  
• She loves music.  Singing songs, listening in the car, commercial jingles (currently the Cheerios commercial with moms dancing with their kids, and an obnoxious University of Phoenix song that is the melody of "If I Only Had a Brain" from the Wizard of Oz), performances on tv, toys that make music--you name it.  If it makes music she loves it. 
• She is nearing 20 pounds and has caught up on all of the growth charts for weight, height, and head circumference in a normal range.  (I'd list exact numbers but we see the pediatrician tomorrow for her one year well visit.) 
• She has been on 3 round trip plane rides and has been an angel on every single one.  
• Her hair continues to grow long and thick and auburn.  We get comments everywhere we go about how beautiful that head of hair is.  We thoroughly enjoy all of the comments. 
• She has two little bottom teeth that are the cutest thing ever.  We haven't noticed any more teeth coming yet but she sure does love to chew on every single thing. 
• She loves her minky blankets and won't eat or sleep without them. She always sleeps with the blanket on her face which drives me crazy but I've learned to calm down about it.  
• She actually fits in 12 month clothes, but can still squeeze into even 3-6 month pants.  She's a petite little thing.  
• She loves watching Daniel Tiger while she plays with her toys on the living room floor.  
• She still takes two naps a day and sleeps amazing through the night. However, there has been phases where she will wake up and cry out at night, but only because she wants to be snuggled or sleep in bed with us. 
• Her favorite time of day is definitely bath time.  The minute we walk into the bathroom she gets a big old grin on her face.  She loves to splash and suck on bath toys and I love to wash her luscious hair.  
• She loves to ride in the stroller and go on walks.  She also loves to stop at the swings while we're out on our walk. 
• She loves books and being read to--which we love because we love reading to her at night before bed. 
• She loves to watch High School Musical 3 on our bed while I take a shower, get ready, fold laundry, etc.  Again, she loves the songs and I'm so glad to have passed on my love of musicals to her at such an early age.  
• She loves watching other kids but gets very quiet and reserved around them.  Maybe she's going to be shy like her momma? 
• She just met her Campbell cousins for the first time this week when we went to visit Tiff and Jay and the kids.  They were all so sweet with her and she loved playing with them and watching their every move.  
• We like to face time with family and when we do she whines and reaches for the phone because she wants to hold it.  

Derek is starting finals week in his last semester of the didactic year! It is so exciting.  He has worked SO hard this last year and has done amazing.  He realized he has taken 63 exams over those 3 semesters.  He will start clinical rotations the first week of June!  I am so thankful for his hard work.  I know it has been excruciating at times for him but he always gives 100% in everything he does.  We are so lucky to have a husband and dad that will always provide and take care of us.  I am so excited for this little break coming up between semesters so we can play, relax, and see some of the sights on the east coast that we have yet to see.  

I know I will look back on this time of our lives with such fond memories and appreciation that we had this adventure as a family.  It helps that we have so much love and support from our families as well. I love my husband and my babe more than words can say!

My friend Karli took some of the sweetest pictures for her first birthday, and Tiff took some when we were at her house also.  

NICU Memories

I'm obviously still terrible at blogging.  One day I will do it regularly.  Hopefully soon.

I wrote this entry a while ago, when I was thinking about Vivian's stay in the NICU.  While it's still hard to even think about, I never want to forget the memories of how our little one came into our lives.  This list sums up most of what we remember about those dreaded but heavenly days.  (Get ready, it's lengthy.)

·     Vivian was in the NICU for 46 days.
·      We were told many times that our little one was super feisty.  We considered this a great thing because she was determined to get out of there.
·      Never had to be intubated.  Started on oxygen with a nasal cannula but was breathing on her own after just 3-4 days.  There were several times she was put back on oxygen but only on a room air level.  For the most part, she was a rock star at breathing.
·      Had a feeding tube for the majority of her stay.  She pulled it out on her own (again, feisty!) about 3 weeks before she was sent home. We were able to start bottle feeding once she was able to eat again, so she didn't have to have her tube placed again.   
·      Every 3 hours, her bum was changed, temperature checked, oxygen monitor moved, and fed through her tube.  They call this Care times.  We tried to be there for the majority of these Care times so that we could be the ones to care for our little one.
·      We practiced nursing a number of times.  She was just starting to get the hang of it when she was forced to fast due to tummy problems.  Which leads to…
·      There were 3 separate times when she wasn’t fed any food through her feeding tube.  She was sustained on IV fluids but nothing was put in her belly to help her belly get better.
·      Her belly issues were due to slow gut motility.  There were early signs of infection (a call in the middle of the night telling us she had bloody stool) but she never got necrosis in her bowels (thank heavens).
·      Since her belly was so sensitive, she could never tolerate the fortifiers they added to my breast milk.  These are what usually triggered her digestive problems.
·      She had a number of abdomen x-rays to see what was going on in that cute little belly. 
·      We FaceTimed with Derek almost every day.  He also watched on the webcam above her isolet when he was at school. 
·      Her glucose issues started to present themselves when they tried to wean her off the IV fluids.  Once this started, they had to prick her heel and test her glucose levels before feeds every 6 hours. 
·      The highlight of every day was when I could do skin to skin or “kangaroo care” with my mini baby.  After care time and while she was fed through her tube, I could hold her on my chest for as long as I wanted. Viv loved this snuggle time also and slept very well while her momma held her.  
·      She received a blessing from Grandpa and Scott Heiner one of the times they tried to wean her off the fluids in hopes she wouldn’t have to have a glucagon challenge.  Derek was there in spirit, with the help of FaceTime. 
·      She ended up failing the glucagon challenge, and after consulting with the endocrine team at Primary Children’s, the doctors started her on Diazoxide.  None of the nurses had ever heard of or administered this medication. 
·      On 3 separate occasions they tried to start a PICC line, since a good vein was beginning to be hard to find and she needed to be on IV fluids a while longer.  Each time she was poked 6-7 times, with no success any of the times.  This was especially traumatic for me.  Thankfully, she didn’t need to be transferred to Primary Children’s for a PICC line and they continued to find veins to place IV’s.
·      She had IV’s in her feet, arms, hands, and my least favorite—scalp. 
·      The doctors in the NICU often likened the NICU experience as a rollercoaster.  There are lots of ups and downs with the babies.  There were days Vivian made lots of strides and days where she had setbacks.  It was also an emotional rollercoaster for this new momma.
·      Her love of bathing started in the NICU, and especially loved getting her hair washed.  This was one of my favorite things to do with her, and a favorite thing to see for Grammy and Grandpa.
·      All of the doctors, NP’s, and nurses were amazing.  We always felt so lucky to have confidence that our babe was being cared for by amazing people when we couldn’t be there.
·      Some of our favorite nurses were KD, Tami, Cami, Janae, Katie, Natalie, and Kristy.  Kristy was her nurse the night she was born and the last night before she went home.  Teresa Warwood, one of the NP’s, willingly called Derek often to give him detailed updates of Viv’s condition.  Dr. Miner was the doctor who worked on her just after she was born.  ALL of the staff in the NICU was amazing and we will always remember their kind, loving gestures during the time we spent there.
·      It was so exciting when she was able to fit in preemie-sized clothes.  I also loved picking out bows for her. 
·      Viv took a pacifier as soon as she was born and loved to suck on it.  She loved it so much she would suck too hard and it would pop right out of her mouth if it wasn’t held in.
·      She loved the “frogs” they put on top of her blankets.  They were small bean bags that provide a little weight on tiny preemie bodies.  This was very comforting for Vivian. 
·      We got to know a sweet mom named Danielle whose babe was next to Vivian.  She was beautiful and kind and left some preemie clothes for Vivian with a note when her baby was discharged.  It was so nice to be surrounded by kind people during such a traumatic time.  

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We went and visited the NICU while we were in Utah for the holidays and it was great to see some of our favorite nurses and providers, and especially great to show them the progress Vivian has made.  While we continue to cart her around to countless doctor and therapy appointments, poke her foot to check her glucose, and force her to swallow disgusting medicine, not a day goes by that she doesn't smile at us and bring an overwhelming amount of happiness to our lives.  And then this long list of slightly heartbreaking memories is totally worth it.