Sometimes things go just the way you imagined that they
would in your mind. We usually think about big life events ahead of time,
trying to prepare for changes and we create an idea of how the changes will
affect us. Sometimes life goes just the
way you plan for and expect things to happen.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
For us, things definitely didn’t go according to our
plan.
However, even though the path we’ve had to take has been the
hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, it is SO worth it.
I’m a horrible journal keeper. I used to be really great at it when I was
younger, but I broke the habit. I
attempted to pick back up on it (hence the two posts from two years ago). Life is busy and I forget to make journal
writing a priority. The past year has been
amazing, busy, exciting, scary, discouraging, painful, and overwhelming—all
wrapped up into one big mix of events.
We’ve had trials. And we’ve been
blessed.
Because of my lack of journal keeping, this post will be
extremely long because there is SO MUCH to catch up on. And these are things I want to remember.
Last summer, I graduated from college with a degree in Public
Relations and Advertising. I walked
across that stage at Weber State with a huge sigh of relief. I love learning, but I have never been so
happy for something to end.
In June, Derek started the grueling application process for
the Physician Assistant program. I had
no idea the amount of time and detail required when applying for this graduate
degree. But like most things, Derek
spent endless hours preparing and going above and beyond the necessary steps to
get his application in—and did it so well.
He applied to 17 different schools across the country. The summer was a waiting game as he anxiously
waited to hear from the schools about interviews. In September, he got his first invitation to
interview at A.T. Still University in Arizona.
We were so thrilled!! We bought Derek a new suit and he again thoroughly
prepared for the interview. He went on to interview at Pacific University in
Oregon, and at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut. He performed amazingly, as usual, and was
offered spots at all three schools. This is no easy task—I have to brag about
this accomplishment. Derek is seriously
the hardest working student I know, and he deserves every opportunity that is
presented to him.
After much thought and contemplation, Derek decided he
wanted to attend Quinnipiac University back east. We made the decision to make the move come
spring. This is one of those instances
where life happens the way you hope it will.
Back in the spring, we decided that we were ready to start
our family. I stopped taking my birth
control in March. Fall arrived and Derek was starting school again, and I still
wasn’t pregnant. I was discouraged and
frustrated with my body, and confused about why it wasn’t happening. This was one of those instances where life
did not go according to plan. This was one of those times where I assumed that
I’d get pregnant within a few months. It
was more like six months.
On October 24, 2014, Derek and I had gone to see a matinee
movie on a Friday afternoon. That night
we planned to go out with our friends Austin and Christee, so we stopped at
home after the movie to change. I was
late, but that was a regular occurrence that didn’t result in pregnancy, and I
had learned to not think twice about it.
Derek suggested I take a test just to see. I had done this many times before, so I was
quick to assume that it would read negative like always. I peed on the stick and took a quick glance
at it before leaving the bathroom, seeing the negative sign already appearing
on the strip. I sulked into the bedroom
and threw myself on the bed, dramatically declaring that I would never get
pregnant.
A few minutes later Derek went in to look at the test
strip. He came back with a blank face
and said, “Dude, you’re pregnant”. First
of all, I could never take him serious referring to me as Dude. Second of all, Derek likes to joke with me
and I quickly assumed he was kidding. He
wasn’t.
I took another test just to be sure. It was positive too.
We were beaming and slightly terrified the rest of the
night. Derek drove me straight to the
hospital in Brigham City so he could draw my blood and do some testing just to
be sure that I really was pregnant. He
is such a lab nerd. I love it.
We broke the news to our families on Christmas day when we
gifted our parents a glass bulb ornament with the ultrasound inside. Everyone was surprised and as thrilled as us,
and it was such a great time to celebrate our little peanut on the way.
Also in October, I started a new job at Physician Group of
Utah doing marketing and public relations.
I was so excited to find a job that would use my degree, but I was
terrified as well. The job came with a
daily three hour commute to South Jordan, and the long days seemed even harder
while pregnancy made me constantly exhausted.
However, this was another time when we were blessed to be making double
what I was at the hospital so that we could save some money for future
events. One day while I was out visiting
clinics I got a call from Dr. Kammeyer’s office, letting me know that one of my
labs had come back elevated. This was
the lab that showed chromosomal and genetic abnormalities, and it was a little
higher than they’d like to see. They
made me an appointment with a Perinatologist to take a closer look.
In January, when I was 17 weeks along, we had our
appointment at the perinatology office and a detailed ultrasound showed that
our babe didn’t have any chromosomal or genetic problems—and we were so
thankful. We also found out we’d be
having a baby girl, and that she was really tiny. This presented a mix of emotions. We were elated about the news that we’d be
having a girl, and I already felt a sweet connection with her. But the concern about her size made me
terrified.
We went on to have appointments at the Perinatiology office
every two weeks to monitor baby girl’s growth.
By the time she was measuring consistently small for about 3
appointments in a row, they gave this condition a name—IUGR, or intra-uterine
growth restriction. The doctors assured
us that our baby was healthy, just small for her age. While we were happy to see our baby girl on
that screen every other Friday, it was disheartening to hear each time that she
was still smaller than she should be. We
tried our best to stay positive and remember how blessed we were to even have a
baby on the way.
In April, Derek and I both quit our jobs to prepare for the
big move back east. My Mom and I visited
Hamden in March to find a place for us to live.
We rented the Penske truck and packed up our things. We also anticipated Derek’s graduation from
Weber State. My parents also planned to
make the trek east with us to help us with the move, and we were scheduled to
hit the road on May 2, the day after Derek’s graduation. Before we left, Dr. Kammeyer thought it would
be best I have a non-stress test at the perinatology office to make sure
everything looked good before the move.
On April 30 we went in for the non-stress
test. Baby looked great, but my blood
pressure was high. They kept the
monitors on my belly for another 15 minutes and told me to try and relax. I didn’t relax. The doctors sent me up to labor and delivery
to be monitored some more, and this was the first time we felt the terror of
things not going according to plan.
The scariest part was getting checked in to my room. I changed into a gown, gave a urine and blood
sample, and was told to get comfy, as the nurses tried to prepare me for the
possibility of having our baby early.
Even with the continuous warning that our babe would be small, I just
imagined that we would just have a full-term 5-pound baby. I knew how important it was for her to keep
cookin’ as long as possible.
I stayed on the monitor for about four hours, and after lots
of love and support from parents visiting and Derek being by my side, my blood
pressure lowered enough that they could send me home. The nurses spoke with Dr. Kammeyer and they
warned me that my lab work wasn’t great and I needed to take it easy at
home.
The next day, May 1, we packed up the Penske truck, and
attended Derek’s graduation. We went to
dinner after to celebrate and said our goodbyes to our family and friends since
we planned to leave early the next morning.
Derek and my parents left—I stayed behind.
Dr. Kammeyer suggested I fly to Connecticut, since a 5-day
car ride wouldn’t help my water-retaining body and increasing blood
pressure. So I stayed, and we booked my
flight for later in the week. I was also
told to do basically nothing, and check my blood pressure every few hours.
On Sunday, May 2, as I lie on the couch the entire day, my
blood pressure continued to increase.
Once the cuff read 170/120 I called Derek, who told me to call the
doctor immediately. Once again, I was
told to go to labor and delivery for monitoring. I went through the motions of getting checked
in, and it was just as scary as the first time.
Again, my blood pressure decreased enough and my labs were still not
critical, so they sent me home—this time with instructions to return again the
next morning.
Monday, May 3, after being monitored and having labs done
again, Dr. Ball from the perinatology office came into my room to talk to
me. He told me I was developing
preeclampsia and that it wasn’t a question of IF I would deliver early, but
WHEN. He predicted that it would happen
sometime in the few weeks to follow and strongly advised me to stay in Utah to
have the baby. At this point, Derek and
my parents were somewhere in Nebraska and contemplated getting Derek on a plane
that day, but we decided it would be best for him to continue on, get our
things moved into the apartment in CT, and then head home since he had a week
before he would need to start school.
In the days to follow, I continued to lie on the couch and
worry constantly about what was to come.
I tried to accept that my baby would be weeks or even months early. I worried about the timing and if Derek and I
would be together when the baby came. I
worried about insurance and hurried to apply for Medicaid, since we had both
quit our jobs mid-April. I worried about
becoming a mom much sooner that I had expected.
I wondered how I’d get through all of it if I was in Utah and Derek was
in Connecticut—which was my biggest fear when everything started to
change. It’s easy to say that those days
were not easy, and I was starting to see that things would definitely unfold in
a way I never planned.
On Friday, May 8, I had appointments at both Dr. Kammeyer’s
and the perinatology office. After the
ultrasound they predicted that baby weighed 2 lbs. 13 oz. They took more labs and a urine sample to see
how things had changed. I had gained
about 6 pounds since being at the hospital 4 days prior—all in water. (And I looked it!) And my blood pressure was still high. Dr. Kammeyer’s nurse promised to call me
later that day with my lab results. I
left the appointment and headed to the airport to pick up Derek.
Being reunited that day brought so much comfort, just to
have Derek with me. I was in good
spirits and was excited to spend the next week with him, knowing I’d be more at
ease with him by my side. We made it
home, and just as we were walking in the house Dr. Kammeyer’s nurse
called. My heart sank when her first
words were, “Where are you right now?
Dr. Kammeyer needs you to come to the hospital as soon as you can.” She explained that my labs were not good and
Dr. Kammeyer and Dr. Ball agreed that our baby needed to be delivered. Once again, we were hit with the reality that
things would not go according to plan.
We were scheduled for a 9:30 pm C-section. Derek and I nervously left Dr. Kammeyer's office and walked down the hall to labor and delivery to get checked in. Later that night, we were given the biggest blessing and miracle of our lives thus far, our baby girl Vivian.
Waiting in our room for our turn. Dr. Kammeyer had multiple C-sections to do that night.
Getting ready to begin. I was TERRIFIED.
Derek couldn't wait to get in on the action. He watched the whole thing and said it was amazing.
Our first moment as a family. We were told it was pretty special we got to hold her so soon.
One of the greatest moments of my life so far. The love I immediately felt for this sweet babe was absolutely overwhelming.
Our tiny miracle, Vivian Michelle Smith.
5.8.15
2 lbs. 11 oz.
15 inches
