TWO (almost)

Clearly I'm not getting any better at journaling/bogging.  Thank heavens social media somewhat keeps track of our doings so that we have SOMETHING to look back on.

Vivian will be 2 in TWO weeks. (*crying*) The progress she has made in the past year is AMAZING.  She is such a little smarty pants.  Her little personality evolves and grows every day and it is the best thing to watch.  She is endlessly sweet, yet strong-willed, determined, and stubborn all at the same time.

SHE EATS! A day we thought would never come! She's still a little picky but will usually taste almost anything.  Then she'll decide if she wants more or not.  A typical Vivian menu consists of oatmeal, eggs, Spaghetti O's, mac and cheese, hot dogs, tomatoes, strawberries, blueberries, cheddar and sour cream Ruffles chips, goldfish crackers, and cheerios.  Considering that last year at this time she only ate 3 different kinds of baby purees, we are THRILLED that she eats as well as she does.  She still has to be watching a show while she eats to have some distraction, but as long as she gets the calories, we'll take it. She still takes a few bottles each day, one before bed and one at midnight to get her through the night.  She's still drinking Elecare junior formula and we add cornstarch in her midnight bottle. This makes it so we can go 7 hours overnight without feeding.  Hallelujah!! I never thought I'd see that day either- and this has SERIOUSLY helped with my sanity.

SHE SPEAKS! (a little.) For a very long time in speech therapy we worked on eating.  We only started working on actual speech about 6 months ago.  Viv is smart- she knows what's going on.  She understands what people say to her, and is slowly starting to verbalize herself.  These are the signs and words she knows:
More- signs and just says the "mmmm" sound
All done- signs and says "ah-duh ah-duh ah-duh" She does this often to try to be done eating :)
Bye bye- waves
Hi- says "hiii" in a low voice
Give me- signs and says "da da" She does this a lot when she wants some of our Diet Coke.
Go- literally started doing this TODAY. After saying ready, set, she responds with "doh!"

SHE WALKS! This might be the biggest accomplishment of them all.  Viv started crawling last September, when she was 16 months old.  She went from being basically immobile to crawling around everywhere and loving the independence.  We still worked on ordering a walker with her physical therapist since we really didn't think she'd walk for a long time.  She started cruising around the furniture and surprised us all when she took her first steps while we were home in Utah for Christmas. I think being around lots of cousins gave her the motivation to keep up with them.  And it was one of the best days ever!! It was definitely one of my proudest moments as a parent--to see her do something that I know was so hard and that took a lot of work to accomplish.  Since then she's just been walking (and almost running) everywhere.

She loves being chased, tickled, and wrestled.  Especially with Derek.  He is the tickling king around here.  He can get her laughing so much harder than I ever can.  She loves books--we often find her in her room thumbing through every book we own.  She still loves Sofia the First and Daniel Tiger. Her favorite movies right now are Moana, Trolls, and Sing. We usually watch any assortment of these shows while she's eating.  And I'm trying to be better about limiting it to that.  She loves to be outside. Even just to walk outside to the mailbox she can explore the tiniest things with enjoyment. She is just starting to learn how to crawl up on the furniture--and is quite mischevious about it when we try to keep her off of it so that she doesn't fall and break an arm.  Music is still one of her favorite things and she loves to wave her hands and dance.  She's starting to like pretend play and it's so sweet to watch her play with her baby doll.  She gives her a bottle and walks her in the baby stroller.  These days most of her favorite toys aren't actually toys- but water bottles, loose papers, my makeup brushes, or Derek's earplugs.  She mostly just loves getting into things she knows she shouldn't.

Viv's Hyperinsulinism is still very much a part of our lives, but I finally feel like I have a handle on it.  She still responds to Diazoxide which is a blessing.  She takes .8 ml/ twice a day.  Her blood sugar will still dip a little low from time to time but it can be controlled by food.  If we can get her to eat something or drink a bottle it goes back up. Thank heavens for Derek.  He gives me a lot of confidence with this condition that I never knew existed before this child.  He understands it more than me (obviously) and is always the source of calm when I'm acting like a literal crazy person. We had genetic testing done that came back inconclusive- so she doesn't have any gene mutations causing the disease.  We are heading to the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia in May for an admission, where they are basically the mecca for CHI.  Viv will have a fasting test done to see how long she can go without food before her blood sugar drops. We are looking forward to working with the doctors there to see if they want to change anything with her treatment.  Dr. Riba at CCMC has been nothing but amazing, but we are excited to take the opportunity to go to CHOP while we're here on the east coast.

Derek is applying for jobs!! He is in his last rotation right now in OB/GYN.  It's not his favorite but he does enjoy helping with the deliveries.  He has 4 more weeks and then he'll be back in the classroom over the summer.  The amount of pride and praise I have for him deserves its own blog post- which will come.  In a nutshell- he is AMAZING.

ONE

Miss Vivian is ONE! I can't believe it.  The past year has gone so fast, yet at times it felt like it was crawling! So much has happened and we feel like the luckiest parents in the world to have her sweet spirit bless our lives each day.  The past year has been the hardest so far, but also the most amazing.  I can't even describe how thankful I am to be Vivian's momma.  I love her more and more every day and I think one day my heart just might burst.

I wanted to write some things down so that we remember exactly how she was on this day, her first birthday.

• We are very involved with Birth to Three, physical, occupational, and speech therapy, endocrinology, and continue to check in regularly with a slew of other specialists.  The therapy has been amazing and so helpful.  Vivian doesn't always love it, but she's allowed to be feisty because it's what has gotten her this far.  
• She loves to be tickled and wrestle with Derek.  He can get some amazing belly laughs out of her and it is one of my favorite things to watch.  
• She's still primarily fed from a bottle but we are working hard on the solids.  We still feed her every 3.5 hours round the clock, although we are working on stretching it to 4-5 hours overnight.  Her glucose hasn't allowed us to do that consistently yet, but we're hoping for the best. 
• She likes green beans and sweet potatoes the most and is getting so much better at moving the food around in her mouth and working those little mouth muscles of hers.  
• When given graham crackers, baby puffs, or any textures other than purees she immediately gags and sometimes throws up.  Speech therapy will be helping us with her aversion to texture. 
• Vivian can sit up by herself, reach for toys all around her, assisted standing, roll from her belly to her back, and lay on her side with a little bit of help. 
• She still hasn't rolled from her back to her belly or started to crawl.  These are things we continually work on with physical therapy and I know one day she'll just surprise us and be moving around all over the place! 
• We still give her medication every 8 hours--the yucky Diazoxide.  We will be having some more genetic testing done next month in hopes of finding some more answers concerning her hyperinsulinemia which she has yet to grow out of.  
• We still check her glucose 2-3 times a day and it doesn't even phase her.  We can poke her while she's sleeping and she only stirs a little.  
• She loves music.  Singing songs, listening in the car, commercial jingles (currently the Cheerios commercial with moms dancing with their kids, and an obnoxious University of Phoenix song that is the melody of "If I Only Had a Brain" from the Wizard of Oz), performances on tv, toys that make music--you name it.  If it makes music she loves it. 
• She is nearing 20 pounds and has caught up on all of the growth charts for weight, height, and head circumference in a normal range.  (I'd list exact numbers but we see the pediatrician tomorrow for her one year well visit.) 
• She has been on 3 round trip plane rides and has been an angel on every single one.  
• Her hair continues to grow long and thick and auburn.  We get comments everywhere we go about how beautiful that head of hair is.  We thoroughly enjoy all of the comments. 
• She has two little bottom teeth that are the cutest thing ever.  We haven't noticed any more teeth coming yet but she sure does love to chew on every single thing. 
• She loves her minky blankets and won't eat or sleep without them. She always sleeps with the blanket on her face which drives me crazy but I've learned to calm down about it.  
• She actually fits in 12 month clothes, but can still squeeze into even 3-6 month pants.  She's a petite little thing.  
• She loves watching Daniel Tiger while she plays with her toys on the living room floor.  
• She still takes two naps a day and sleeps amazing through the night. However, there has been phases where she will wake up and cry out at night, but only because she wants to be snuggled or sleep in bed with us. 
• Her favorite time of day is definitely bath time.  The minute we walk into the bathroom she gets a big old grin on her face.  She loves to splash and suck on bath toys and I love to wash her luscious hair.  
• She loves to ride in the stroller and go on walks.  She also loves to stop at the swings while we're out on our walk. 
• She loves books and being read to--which we love because we love reading to her at night before bed. 
• She loves to watch High School Musical 3 on our bed while I take a shower, get ready, fold laundry, etc.  Again, she loves the songs and I'm so glad to have passed on my love of musicals to her at such an early age.  
• She loves watching other kids but gets very quiet and reserved around them.  Maybe she's going to be shy like her momma? 
• She just met her Campbell cousins for the first time this week when we went to visit Tiff and Jay and the kids.  They were all so sweet with her and she loved playing with them and watching their every move.  
• We like to face time with family and when we do she whines and reaches for the phone because she wants to hold it.  

Derek is starting finals week in his last semester of the didactic year! It is so exciting.  He has worked SO hard this last year and has done amazing.  He realized he has taken 63 exams over those 3 semesters.  He will start clinical rotations the first week of June!  I am so thankful for his hard work.  I know it has been excruciating at times for him but he always gives 100% in everything he does.  We are so lucky to have a husband and dad that will always provide and take care of us.  I am so excited for this little break coming up between semesters so we can play, relax, and see some of the sights on the east coast that we have yet to see.  

I know I will look back on this time of our lives with such fond memories and appreciation that we had this adventure as a family.  It helps that we have so much love and support from our families as well. I love my husband and my babe more than words can say!

My friend Karli took some of the sweetest pictures for her first birthday, and Tiff took some when we were at her house also.  

NICU Memories

I'm obviously still terrible at blogging.  One day I will do it regularly.  Hopefully soon.

I wrote this entry a while ago, when I was thinking about Vivian's stay in the NICU.  While it's still hard to even think about, I never want to forget the memories of how our little one came into our lives.  This list sums up most of what we remember about those dreaded but heavenly days.  (Get ready, it's lengthy.)

·     Vivian was in the NICU for 46 days.
·      We were told many times that our little one was super feisty.  We considered this a great thing because she was determined to get out of there.
·      Never had to be intubated.  Started on oxygen with a nasal cannula but was breathing on her own after just 3-4 days.  There were several times she was put back on oxygen but only on a room air level.  For the most part, she was a rock star at breathing.
·      Had a feeding tube for the majority of her stay.  She pulled it out on her own (again, feisty!) about 3 weeks before she was sent home. We were able to start bottle feeding once she was able to eat again, so she didn't have to have her tube placed again.   
·      Every 3 hours, her bum was changed, temperature checked, oxygen monitor moved, and fed through her tube.  They call this Care times.  We tried to be there for the majority of these Care times so that we could be the ones to care for our little one.
·      We practiced nursing a number of times.  She was just starting to get the hang of it when she was forced to fast due to tummy problems.  Which leads to…
·      There were 3 separate times when she wasn’t fed any food through her feeding tube.  She was sustained on IV fluids but nothing was put in her belly to help her belly get better.
·      Her belly issues were due to slow gut motility.  There were early signs of infection (a call in the middle of the night telling us she had bloody stool) but she never got necrosis in her bowels (thank heavens).
·      Since her belly was so sensitive, she could never tolerate the fortifiers they added to my breast milk.  These are what usually triggered her digestive problems.
·      She had a number of abdomen x-rays to see what was going on in that cute little belly. 
·      We FaceTimed with Derek almost every day.  He also watched on the webcam above her isolet when he was at school. 
·      Her glucose issues started to present themselves when they tried to wean her off the IV fluids.  Once this started, they had to prick her heel and test her glucose levels before feeds every 6 hours. 
·      The highlight of every day was when I could do skin to skin or “kangaroo care” with my mini baby.  After care time and while she was fed through her tube, I could hold her on my chest for as long as I wanted. Viv loved this snuggle time also and slept very well while her momma held her.  
·      She received a blessing from Grandpa and Scott Heiner one of the times they tried to wean her off the fluids in hopes she wouldn’t have to have a glucagon challenge.  Derek was there in spirit, with the help of FaceTime. 
·      She ended up failing the glucagon challenge, and after consulting with the endocrine team at Primary Children’s, the doctors started her on Diazoxide.  None of the nurses had ever heard of or administered this medication. 
·      On 3 separate occasions they tried to start a PICC line, since a good vein was beginning to be hard to find and she needed to be on IV fluids a while longer.  Each time she was poked 6-7 times, with no success any of the times.  This was especially traumatic for me.  Thankfully, she didn’t need to be transferred to Primary Children’s for a PICC line and they continued to find veins to place IV’s.
·      She had IV’s in her feet, arms, hands, and my least favorite—scalp. 
·      The doctors in the NICU often likened the NICU experience as a rollercoaster.  There are lots of ups and downs with the babies.  There were days Vivian made lots of strides and days where she had setbacks.  It was also an emotional rollercoaster for this new momma.
·      Her love of bathing started in the NICU, and especially loved getting her hair washed.  This was one of my favorite things to do with her, and a favorite thing to see for Grammy and Grandpa.
·      All of the doctors, NP’s, and nurses were amazing.  We always felt so lucky to have confidence that our babe was being cared for by amazing people when we couldn’t be there.
·      Some of our favorite nurses were KD, Tami, Cami, Janae, Katie, Natalie, and Kristy.  Kristy was her nurse the night she was born and the last night before she went home.  Teresa Warwood, one of the NP’s, willingly called Derek often to give him detailed updates of Viv’s condition.  Dr. Miner was the doctor who worked on her just after she was born.  ALL of the staff in the NICU was amazing and we will always remember their kind, loving gestures during the time we spent there.
·      It was so exciting when she was able to fit in preemie-sized clothes.  I also loved picking out bows for her. 
·      Viv took a pacifier as soon as she was born and loved to suck on it.  She loved it so much she would suck too hard and it would pop right out of her mouth if it wasn’t held in.
·      She loved the “frogs” they put on top of her blankets.  They were small bean bags that provide a little weight on tiny preemie bodies.  This was very comforting for Vivian. 
·      We got to know a sweet mom named Danielle whose babe was next to Vivian.  She was beautiful and kind and left some preemie clothes for Vivian with a note when her baby was discharged.  It was so nice to be surrounded by kind people during such a traumatic time.  

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We went and visited the NICU while we were in Utah for the holidays and it was great to see some of our favorite nurses and providers, and especially great to show them the progress Vivian has made.  While we continue to cart her around to countless doctor and therapy appointments, poke her foot to check her glucose, and force her to swallow disgusting medicine, not a day goes by that she doesn't smile at us and bring an overwhelming amount of happiness to our lives.  And then this long list of slightly heartbreaking memories is totally worth it.  

May 8, 2015

The night our sweet Vivian was born was one of the most special and amazing nights of our lives.  The day had been a whirlwind and the urgency of the delivery brought a lot of anxiety to both Derek and me.  We got set up in the operating room, and the anesthesiologist, Dr. Silver, came in to give me my epidural.  I was SO nervous.  Derek said he could see my heartbeat in the artery in my neck! Dr. Silver was amazing and so nice, kind of like a sweet grandpa type to have close by during the C-section.  Speaking of which, having a C-section is the strangest thing I've ever experienced, to be completely numb but still feel pressure and my body moving around as Dr. Kammeyer performed the surgery.  Derek started up by my head but kept looking over the drape to see all the action.  When Dr. Kammeyer invited him to watch he couldn't pass up the offer.  He said it was much more invasive than he was expecting but that it was amazing to see the process.

It seemed to go pretty quickly, even though my nerves never lessened.  Having had an ultrasound that morning, knowing our babe weighed less than 3 pounds was terrifying.  I had been warned that we might not hear her cry out when she was born, and that they would whisk her away to be cared for by the neonatal team.  I'm convinced it was a blessing from heaven that our feisty little Vivian let out a cry when she was born--so her crazy mom would have a little bit of comfort.

Once she was out, they took her into a small room within the operating room to clean her up and assess what kind of care she needed right away.  Derek went in with her, which I was so thankful for, while Dr. Kammeyer stitched me up.  I was told that I probably wouldn't get to see or hold her for a while, depending on her condition.  I was so surreal, thinking that just 12 hours prior I had no idea we would have a baby that day, even though we knew it would be soon.  I definitely hadn't wrapped my head around the idea of our babe being in the NICU.  I don't think you can ever prepare for that, nor really know what it's like until you experience it.  I was a little loopy from all the meds and expected to have to wait to see our tiny angel.

As they wheeled me out of the operating room and into recovery, they stopped at the doorway where they had been working on little Vivian.  Then, all bundled up and still so tiny, they handed me this little miracle that was our babe.  She was so light it barely felt like anything was resting on my chest. She was perfect.  Derek bent down close to get a good look at her also.  The tiniest little hand reached up and rested on my chest, and my heart changed forever!  As cheesy as it sounds, I literally was overwhelmed with so much love for this little human that came straight from heaven.  The moment I held her and we had a moment together as a family was another blessing, since I didn't think I would get to hold her just yet.  We were told it doesn't happen very often, but she was stable enough for us to hold her for a quick minute before they took her to the NICU.  I think that was a sign of how strong she would be throughout her stay in the NICU and thereafter.

May 8, 2015 will always be one of the most special days for us, when we became parents.

Our Tiny Miracle

Sometimes things go just the way you imagined that they would in your mind. We usually think about big life events ahead of time, trying to prepare for changes and we create an idea of how the changes will affect us.  Sometimes life goes just the way you plan for and expect things to happen.  Sometimes it doesn’t. 

For us, things definitely didn’t go according to our plan. 

However, even though the path we’ve had to take has been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, it is SO worth it. 

I’m a horrible journal keeper.  I used to be really great at it when I was younger, but I broke the habit.  I attempted to pick back up on it (hence the two posts from two years ago).  Life is busy and I forget to make journal writing a priority.  The past year has been amazing, busy, exciting, scary, discouraging, painful, and overwhelming—all wrapped up into one big mix of events.  We’ve had trials.  And we’ve been blessed. 

Because of my lack of journal keeping, this post will be extremely long because there is SO MUCH to catch up on.  And these are things I want to remember.   

Last summer, I graduated from college with a degree in Public Relations and Advertising.  I walked across that stage at Weber State with a huge sigh of relief.  I love learning, but I have never been so happy for something to end. 

In June, Derek started the grueling application process for the Physician Assistant program.  I had no idea the amount of time and detail required when applying for this graduate degree.  But like most things, Derek spent endless hours preparing and going above and beyond the necessary steps to get his application in—and did it so well.  He applied to 17 different schools across the country.  The summer was a waiting game as he anxiously waited to hear from the schools about interviews.  In September, he got his first invitation to interview at A.T. Still University in Arizona.  We were so thrilled!! We bought Derek a new suit and he again thoroughly prepared for the interview. He went on to interview at Pacific University in Oregon, and at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut.  He performed amazingly, as usual, and was offered spots at all three schools. This is no easy task—I have to brag about this accomplishment.  Derek is seriously the hardest working student I know, and he deserves every opportunity that is presented to him. 

After much thought and contemplation, Derek decided he wanted to attend Quinnipiac University back east.  We made the decision to make the move come spring.  This is one of those instances where life happens the way you hope it will.

Back in the spring, we decided that we were ready to start our family.  I stopped taking my birth control in March. Fall arrived and Derek was starting school again, and I still wasn’t pregnant.  I was discouraged and frustrated with my body, and confused about why it wasn’t happening.  This was one of those instances where life did not go according to plan. This was one of those times where I assumed that I’d get pregnant within a few months.  It was more like six months. 

On October 24, 2014, Derek and I had gone to see a matinee movie on a Friday afternoon.  That night we planned to go out with our friends Austin and Christee, so we stopped at home after the movie to change.  I was late, but that was a regular occurrence that didn’t result in pregnancy, and I had learned to not think twice about it.  Derek suggested I take a test just to see.  I had done this many times before, so I was quick to assume that it would read negative like always.  I peed on the stick and took a quick glance at it before leaving the bathroom, seeing the negative sign already appearing on the strip.  I sulked into the bedroom and threw myself on the bed, dramatically declaring that I would never get pregnant. 

A few minutes later Derek went in to look at the test strip.  He came back with a blank face and said, “Dude, you’re pregnant”.  First of all, I could never take him serious referring to me as Dude.  Second of all, Derek likes to joke with me and I quickly assumed he was kidding.  He wasn’t.

I took another test just to be sure.  It was positive too. 

We were beaming and slightly terrified the rest of the night.  Derek drove me straight to the hospital in Brigham City so he could draw my blood and do some testing just to be sure that I really was pregnant.  He is such a lab nerd.  I love it. 

We broke the news to our families on Christmas day when we gifted our parents a glass bulb ornament with the ultrasound inside.  Everyone was surprised and as thrilled as us, and it was such a great time to celebrate our little peanut on the way. 

Also in October, I started a new job at Physician Group of Utah doing marketing and public relations.  I was so excited to find a job that would use my degree, but I was terrified as well.  The job came with a daily three hour commute to South Jordan, and the long days seemed even harder while pregnancy made me constantly exhausted.  However, this was another time when we were blessed to be making double what I was at the hospital so that we could save some money for future events.  One day while I was out visiting clinics I got a call from Dr. Kammeyer’s office, letting me know that one of my labs had come back elevated.  This was the lab that showed chromosomal and genetic abnormalities, and it was a little higher than they’d like to see.  They made me an appointment with a Perinatologist to take a closer look.

In January, when I was 17 weeks along, we had our appointment at the perinatology office and a detailed ultrasound showed that our babe didn’t have any chromosomal or genetic problems—and we were so thankful.  We also found out we’d be having a baby girl, and that she was really tiny.  This presented a mix of emotions.  We were elated about the news that we’d be having a girl, and I already felt a sweet connection with her.  But the concern about her size made me terrified. 

We went on to have appointments at the Perinatiology office every two weeks to monitor baby girl’s growth.  By the time she was measuring consistently small for about 3 appointments in a row, they gave this condition a name—IUGR, or intra-uterine growth restriction.  The doctors assured us that our baby was healthy, just small for her age.  While we were happy to see our baby girl on that screen every other Friday, it was disheartening to hear each time that she was still smaller than she should be.  We tried our best to stay positive and remember how blessed we were to even have a baby on the way. 

In April, Derek and I both quit our jobs to prepare for the big move back east.  My Mom and I visited Hamden in March to find a place for us to live.  We rented the Penske truck and packed up our things.  We also anticipated Derek’s graduation from Weber State.  My parents also planned to make the trek east with us to help us with the move, and we were scheduled to hit the road on May 2, the day after Derek’s graduation.  Before we left, Dr. Kammeyer thought it would be best I have a non-stress test at the perinatology office to make sure everything looked good before the move. 

On April 30 we went in for the non-stress test.  Baby looked great, but my blood pressure was high.  They kept the monitors on my belly for another 15 minutes and told me to try and relax.  I didn’t relax.  The doctors sent me up to labor and delivery to be monitored some more, and this was the first time we felt the terror of things not going according to plan. 

The scariest part was getting checked in to my room.  I changed into a gown, gave a urine and blood sample, and was told to get comfy, as the nurses tried to prepare me for the possibility of having our baby early.  Even with the continuous warning that our babe would be small, I just imagined that we would just have a full-term 5-pound baby.  I knew how important it was for her to keep cookin’ as long as possible. 

I stayed on the monitor for about four hours, and after lots of love and support from parents visiting and Derek being by my side, my blood pressure lowered enough that they could send me home.  The nurses spoke with Dr. Kammeyer and they warned me that my lab work wasn’t great and I needed to take it easy at home. 

The next day, May 1, we packed up the Penske truck, and attended Derek’s graduation.  We went to dinner after to celebrate and said our goodbyes to our family and friends since we planned to leave early the next morning.  Derek and my parents left—I stayed behind. 

Dr. Kammeyer suggested I fly to Connecticut, since a 5-day car ride wouldn’t help my water-retaining body and increasing blood pressure.  So I stayed, and we booked my flight for later in the week.  I was also told to do basically nothing, and check my blood pressure every few hours. 

On Sunday, May 2, as I lie on the couch the entire day, my blood pressure continued to increase.  Once the cuff read 170/120 I called Derek, who told me to call the doctor immediately.  Once again, I was told to go to labor and delivery for monitoring.  I went through the motions of getting checked in, and it was just as scary as the first time.  Again, my blood pressure decreased enough and my labs were still not critical, so they sent me home—this time with instructions to return again the next morning. 

Monday, May 3, after being monitored and having labs done again, Dr. Ball from the perinatology office came into my room to talk to me.  He told me I was developing preeclampsia and that it wasn’t a question of IF I would deliver early, but WHEN.  He predicted that it would happen sometime in the few weeks to follow and strongly advised me to stay in Utah to have the baby.  At this point, Derek and my parents were somewhere in Nebraska and contemplated getting Derek on a plane that day, but we decided it would be best for him to continue on, get our things moved into the apartment in CT, and then head home since he had a week before he would need to start school. 

In the days to follow, I continued to lie on the couch and worry constantly about what was to come.  I tried to accept that my baby would be weeks or even months early.  I worried about the timing and if Derek and I would be together when the baby came.  I worried about insurance and hurried to apply for Medicaid, since we had both quit our jobs mid-April.  I worried about becoming a mom much sooner that I had expected.  I wondered how I’d get through all of it if I was in Utah and Derek was in Connecticut—which was my biggest fear when everything started to change.  It’s easy to say that those days were not easy, and I was starting to see that things would definitely unfold in a way I never planned.  

On Friday, May 8, I had appointments at both Dr. Kammeyer’s and the perinatology office.  After the ultrasound they predicted that baby weighed 2 lbs. 13 oz.  They took more labs and a urine sample to see how things had changed.  I had gained about 6 pounds since being at the hospital 4 days prior—all in water.  (And I looked it!)  And my blood pressure was still high.  Dr. Kammeyer’s nurse promised to call me later that day with my lab results.  I left the appointment and headed to the airport to pick up Derek. 

Being reunited that day brought so much comfort, just to have Derek with me.  I was in good spirits and was excited to spend the next week with him, knowing I’d be more at ease with him by my side.  We made it home, and just as we were walking in the house Dr. Kammeyer’s nurse called.  My heart sank when her first words were, “Where are you right now?  Dr. Kammeyer needs you to come to the hospital as soon as you can.”  She explained that my labs were not good and Dr. Kammeyer and Dr. Ball agreed that our baby needed to be delivered.  Once again, we were hit with the reality that things would not go according to plan. 

We were scheduled for a 9:30 pm C-section.  Derek and I nervously left Dr. Kammeyer's office and walked down the hall to labor and delivery to get checked in.  Later that night, we were given the biggest blessing and miracle of our lives thus far, our baby girl Vivian.  

Waiting in our room for our turn.  Dr. Kammeyer had multiple C-sections to do that night. 

Getting ready to begin.  I was TERRIFIED.

Derek couldn't wait to get in on the action.  He watched the whole thing and said it was amazing. 

Our first moment as a family.  We were told it was pretty special we got to hold her so soon.

One of the greatest moments of my life so far. The love I immediately felt for this sweet babe was absolutely overwhelming.  

Our tiny miracle, Vivian Michelle Smith.  

5.8.15 

2 lbs. 11 oz.

15 inches